Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Dog!

Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show

It's that time of year again. And it makes me sick. Last night was the start of the Westminster Kennel Club dog show in New York. All these cutesy dogs competing to be best-of-breed. Gag me with a bone. Are these dogs so insecure that they need an award to validate their existence?

Living a dog's life is an art. And like Marlon Brando said about the Oscars, art isn't a competition. We're all winners!

Besides, the whole thing is rigged. You think it's a coincidence that Bill Cosby's terrier won its category? What did it do? Have the best monologue?

If this travesty continues next year, they should at least give it the minimal level of dignity applied to contests like Miss USA and Miss World. Have a swimsuit competition. And make all the dogs wear high heels.

Anyway, they're lucky that mutt isn't a breed. Because I would win. And believe me, they wouldn't want me on their red carpet. It would be orange by the time I was done -- if you know what I mean.

So Smart But..

I've been reading a book called So Smart But... It's about people who are stars at work but they have one fatal flaw. And this flaw prevents them from achieving their full career potential. Like they're so smart but...can't communicate. Or they're so smart but...not a team player. Or so smart but... indecisive. Or so smart but...basically a jerk.

You know these types. They make the workplace a pain to work in. And the book does a good job of explaining how these people can fix their flaws. But it doesn't go far enough! Here are some so smart buts that should have been included. (Maybe the author can put them in a sequel).

So Smart But...
- stands on the express check out line with more than 20 items
- slows down at yellow lights
- takes an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes
- has degrees: MBA, PHD and IOU
- is a butt

I'm sure there are more. Add some as you think of them.

Pure Bread

In my philosophy of life, it's better to be a mutt than a mute.
Otherwise my bark couldn't be worse than my bite.
And I couldn't go barking up the wrong tree.

How many dogs does it take to price a lightbulb?
Two. One to get the bulb. And one to mark it up.

Speaking of which.

I've got to pee now.

Every Dog Has His Day

Today I feel like Sally Field at the Academy Awards. "You love me. You really love me." Why? Because mutts are the new "it" dog.

Check out this story from USA Today It says that pedigrees are out and "mixed-breed dogs of uncertain background" are in. How cool is that?

And how cool am I?

Even though everyone thinks I'm a Yorkie, I'm not. I'm a mixed-breed dog of uncertain background. So take that you purebred A-KKK-C types.

Here's my favorite quote from the article: "Mutts are like real couture. There are no two alike." Damn right!

Astronaut Arrested For Attempted Murder

Many people are embarrassed by today's big news item -- a female astronaut was arrested for attempted murder in a classic love triangle. She was in love with a male astronaut. And she drove 900 miles from Houston to Orlando to attack the "other" woman. Everyone is shocked that an astronaut could attempt murder.

Hey, they're just people!

To me what's embarrassing is she drove 900 miles. She's an astronaut. She couldn't take a plane?

Demi Moore's Lost Dog

I haven't written for awhile because I've been in shock about the hurricane and flood that hit New Orleans. My heart goes out to all the people and pets who lost their lives and homes. A horrific event of such epic proportions is hard to wrap your mind around. That's why small canine-interest stories make thinking about the tragedy more manageable. The story that has captured the nation's imagination today is the separation of a little boy and his dog Snowball during the New Orleans evacuation. These types of stories break your heart.

And there's another lost dog story in the news today. Actress Demi Moore can't find her dog Louie. The mutt is a Yorkshire terrier-chihuahua cross breed. And Demi has plastered her neighborhood with lost dog posters written in English and Spanish. Now I'm as sympathetic to Yorkshire terrier mutts as the next dog. But I've got some questions. First, did she sort of name the dog after herself? (A two syllable name with the second syllable being the sound "ee".) And more important, does she really think her dog can read Spanish just because he's part chihuahua? These Hollywood types are unbelievable.

I've got to pee now.